Sad Mariah News

I have to report that I wrecked my car on Sunday. I was driving down a dark gravel road at 5am doing one of my other jobs and hit Mooriah. She was dressed in all black and in the dark I couldn't see her. Her head went into my windshield and her fat body tore the mirror off my drivers door. It also bent my wiper blade arm and I have to get it replaced. I didn't get a scratch on me but the cow (I mean Mooriah) had to be put down from a broken jaw. There is pieces of her hair, some blood and meat chunks stuck in my windshield still. It's really quite disgusting.
Maybe I will sell the chunks on ebay to the psycho Mooriah lovers. Maybe I will make millions!